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Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Embracing My Inner Hero


Some days it is really hard to be a Lupus Warrior. I have days when everything becomes too much to handle and there is very little that my body will let me do beyond retreating to bed in a ball of pain. On those days it is easy to become very negative about life - things are never going to get better, my life has changed forever etc etc. Indeed, many people with autoimmune diseases (myself included) suffer from depression. Too add insult to injury it is sometimes hard for the people around us to understand our depression; after all, when they get sick they feel unwell for a few days and then they recover. They can seem unsympathetic or even hostile to our situation.

With any long-term chronic illness it is very important to try to avoid falling into a spiral of depression. This may be easier said than done but it is important to try because mental state has a big influence on the severity of an illness.

I have found that in order to avoid feeling low I need to focus on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. Rather than mourning those aspects of my life that have been lost to my illness it is more productive for me to consider how my change in circumstances has had a positive influence. Here is an example....

I loved my career as an Environmental Consultant but I had a tendency to take on too much responsibility; I couldn't say no to my clients and colleagues. In order to deliver the workload that I had over-promised I would work long hours and put pressure on the people around me. I was always stressed, even though I didn't always realise it. To make matters worse, I frequently worked on projects that were not popular with the general public and this added another dimension of stress - nobody wants to be the target of abuse. When my illness stopped me from working I found it very hard to adjust at first but gradually I have learned how to say "no". My body simply will not allow me to do all of the things that I would like it to do. I no longer have the huge stresses in my life that came from over-promising and I discovered that nobody thinks any less of me.

I have also learned to congratulate myself for my achievements (however small these might seem). If I have a good day and manage to do some housework and cook a nice evening meal, I allow myself to feel proud of that.

Finding enjoyment in life is just a matter of perspective. This is why Christopher Reeves' quote (see image) really resonates with me. The idea that anybody can be a hero by persevering and overcoming the obstacles in front of them. Lupus warriors overcome the obstacles posed by their illness every day. They endure and persevere despite the pain that ravages their bodies and the endless fatigue.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a paragon of happiness. I still have days with my Lupus when I curl up in a ball and hide from the world. Those are 'bad days' and they are going to happen. What I don't do is allow the bad days define me. In between those days I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue to take pleasure in my achievements. I'm going to be my own hero.

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