Be The River

A couple of years ago I was having a tough time at work managing a particularly difficult project. I had very tight deadlines to meet and some challenging characters to deal with (and just to keep things interesting I had several other projects to deliver at the same time). Keeping on top of my workload was a bit like juggling knives whilst competing in a cat herding competition.

One of the traits of a good project manager is the ability to drive a project forward by recognising and resolving problems before things get out of control. I am normally very good at this; however, during this particular project things just weren't going my way. I was working around the clock to keep everything on track but the universe just had it in for me. Every time I resolved an issue a new one would spring up out of nowhere and bite me in the ass. I became very stressed and this stress began to take a toll on my body and my mental health. What I didn't know back then was that some of the physical symptoms I was experiencing were actually part of a lupus flare.

Late one night, whilst worrying about getting on top of things at work, an idea suddenly popped into my head...."Be the river"! I don't know where the phrase came from but it changed my whole outlook and approach to dealing with stressful situations.

I am sure you are wondering what rivers have got to do with stress management? What do I mean when I tell myself to be a river? I will try to explain....

When a river meets an obstacle (such as a large boulder) that it cannot move or flow over, it will change its course and find a way around it. It is equally important to note that the river will select the path of least resistance around the obstacle (i.e. the easiest way).

In daily life we often come across obstacles in our path. In order to "be the river" we must accept that we are unable to change the obstacle in front of us and instead try to find the simplest way to get around it. Here is a simple example of how the river strategy works:

I decide to make a sandwich for lunch but when I get to the kitchen I discover that somebody has eaten all of my bread. Instead of becoming upset and stressed about the situation, I take a breath and reassess the options available to me.

• I can go out and buy some new bread, 
• eat the sandwich filling without the bread, or 
• select something different for lunch altogether. 

The river strategy works just as well in complex scenarios, especially those where emotions may be heightened.

By becoming the river, I have learned to approach problems calmly, rationally and with a positive attitude. When I take time to think my way around a problem, I usually find that there is more than one solution. The strategy has helped me enormously on my lupus journey because I have been better able to cope with the many stressful and emotionally charged situations that my illness has thrown in my path.

My "Be The River" mantra will certainly not resonate with everyone; however, it is important for Autoimmune Warriors to find positive coping strategies for dealing with the stress of living with their illnesses. We have to be able to stay upbeat if we are going to win the daily battle against our own bodies.